Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
