you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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