new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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