It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
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