I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
