a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
