Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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