She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Randomize
