i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
