I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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