I think I died a long time ago.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
