just come out here and I will go home with you...
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Randomize
