So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
You're a waste of cheezeits
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
