thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
so explain again why im purple
no
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Randomize
