Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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