the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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