I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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