she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
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