The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
My pussy is not your playground.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
