Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
