I can't breathe out the right side of my face
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
