can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
