he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
