i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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