I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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