Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Randomize
