i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
