Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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