I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
