O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Randomize
