I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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