90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
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