Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
