All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
