dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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