I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
