I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
