great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
COCAINE IS GR8
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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