Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Who put my cat in the fridge?
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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