he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Randomize
