Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
