I think i peed on brittanys purse
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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