so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Randomize
