I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
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