So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Randomize
