I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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