Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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