I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
