How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I deserve this hangover.
I'm bleeding and have questions
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