I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Randomize
