Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
